Sometimes your own sorrows and miseries become your center of focus. You tend to forget that your companion is equally depressed and needs something, beyond your presence, to make them smile. Just to assure a person that don't worry, i am there might take a lot of strength for some people who themselves are stuck in a gutter. Yes, i have problems, yes i am battling some serious emotions inside me. But why does my agony blind me so much that i cannot see the person next to me is desperate for me to put beside all my sorrows for a moment? What makes me so selfish that i don't bother to understand that the person, who is making all effort to make my day, is hungry for some compassion? I guess, love for myself makes me immune to the feelings for others. I am so engrossed in my life that anything seems insignificant.
But today i set my priorities aside for a few hours. Took an initiative to make that person happy who is the reason for my inner strength. If his strength breaks, my world will also collapse subsequently. Over the phone his sobs and plea for help made me breathless for a second. It made me think that the person who has lost all his friends, and is in a deeper gutter than me, needs my help right now. I did not, at that point, decide to meet him and give him my company to cheer him up, just because i claim him to be my lover. I decided to wipe his tears because i am a good human being.
He has done a lot of things for me. Don't get me wrong. My act of compassion was not a return of a favor. I did it because he seriously needs it. His life will collapse and he will submerge into depression if i am not there to show him that he has strength to put everything in order again. I was there because he has been there every moment in these past nine months. I was there because at that point he wanted me to be there. I was there because I wanted to be there.
I know how hard it is for him to accept my conditions, my emotions and all those thoughts inside my mind. I know how hard he tries for me to get over my past. I know how hard he tries to love me so much that i forget all that has happened. I still don't and he still tries. Apart from his inconsistent relationship with me, he has his own deep shit problems. His friends have turned out to be the biggest sons of bitches i have ever seen. Pardon my language, but my anger towards them has increased exponentially. They are fame hungry incapable retards who have never achieved anything themselves, but have the balls to back-bitch about someone who was an active part in formulating their dreams. Gold diggers that they are, i know it takes much more than just talent to succeed in life. And people who back stab their biggest strengths are declared losers. :)
Life is a bitch. Most people we meet are opportunists. It is in our own hands to judge people and befriend those who would be there beside you no matter what the fuck happens. Many people have back bitched, back stabbed me , and have called me names. But i have smiled at them every time i have met them. Because i know who i am, and where my life is headed to. I know that being an imbecile will not make me any greater. I am not naive to punch someone's gut just because my life has some obstacles. No i am beyond all this, and i ask you to be beyond all these too.
Maintain what you say to yourself. Yes, it does not matter. As long as we know that we are our biggest strengths we can turn to our so-called friends and say, "Fuck It!". ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment