Health is Wealth

So the doctor said i have a throat and lung infection and i am prone to pneumonia. He asked me to take a couple of vaccines, and repeatedly told me to stay miles away from stress.

The latter is not possible. I have tried ignoring stress but it runs in my blood. I am ALWAYS stressed. ALWAYS thinking. ALWAYS scheming ways. Do i do it deliberately? No. i try to rest my mind a little, and i try to give it a break. It won't listen. I mean his downfall is so important to me that i think i won't be happy till i see him completely hopeless and weak. The lies, the back-bitching and the way he trophies his status in front of everyone, disgusts me. I seriously cannot believe i was associated with that creature ever. So am i scheming against him? Not anymore. 2010 has brought a new wave of tranquility in me. Even if not for me, deepak, my love, does not deserve to be a part of all this mishap.

My stress level in Plattsburgh used to be at a normal state because i had work to do. I could concentrate on other things and divert myself. Here, i am an idle mind, and idle mind is a devil's workshop. I guess this blog has helped to cope up with all the hatred in me. It helps me to release my thoughts and that keeps me away from all the jumbled up pieces in my head.

I have never been a healthy kid. Weight issues and breathing problems and never ending stress has always taken a toll on my body. It has again, now. My smoking is also at a bad situation. Gone are those days when i used to smoke expensive cigarette just to show people around that i can afford my style. Now its about compulsion. It is about addiction. Even if i am sick and cannot finish an entire cigarette i will still smoke. It makes me feel that my worries are floating away with the dense opaque smoke. But does it? Absolutely Not. The major issue is, I do NOT want to quit smoking. Though, i know Plattsburgh will moderate my smoking as the cold freezes my fingers to near frostbite.

I am aware of all the worthless people in my life, who want to incorporate my name into any silly gossip just to shoo away the heat off them. SO should my health suffer for them? NO. My body is not responsible for the shit that has happened in their lives. What has made them the back-bitching man whores they are? Themselves.