Fast-Forward

I have had a really long day. My bones are tired and i am not in my brightest of moods. I am sulky and i am pissed. And i am really really tired of living alone. Even if i am home, i am alone. It's my mind that is alone even in a sea of crowds.

My man is one of the best guys i have come across, but still i am reluctant. I am still insecure, and deep down i still think that he will hurt me and go away. I don't know why i am like this. I don't know why i think so negatively. I don't know why i feel that i am not good enough for anyone.

My head is the reason of my failed relationships. I escape before the person can hurt me. I escape by hurting him before my heart cuts open and bleeds. But it bleeds, nevertheless. Even if i leave and walk away it still bleeds. I do not save myself from any hurt. I do not save myself from all those thoughts in my head.

I love again. I am scared. I hurt. I run.