Phase

I am in so much of pain, it's not even funny. My hands are sore, so are my legs. My head feels like it's gonna burst open any time. I don't want to see a doctor because i don't like the way they make me feel weak. But i don't know what i am gonna do with myself. I feel weak, and i am scared of eating anything. Because whenever i do, i feel like throwing up.

I don't know what is becoming of me, and it has started to scare me now. I need to find a direction. I need to find my passion and drive. I am so competitive, but it's nowhere in me now. I feel sick. Literally.i am tired of pretending. I am just plain tired.

I hope i don't just give up. I can't afford to. Surviving here is a do or die situation for me. I have to do well. I have to be the best in whatever i choose to do. But i don't have that power in me. Not anymore. I need it back.I need myself back.

With all the things i have lost, i do not want to lose my future. That is my only savior now. My only reason to stay strong. But my feet are finally shaking. I am crumbling under the pressure. I need my sanity. I need to be fine.