Life is in that junction that i don't want to move on anymore. I am just trying to hold on to whatever i have got. It's little, the ambitions are little. The hopes are almost dying. Every now and then, all energy saps out.
Then how come am i still moving forward? trying to start all over again? For that little hope of love and peace. That one day i will find peace. That one day i will sleep without any backlogs in my memories.
Till then i am trying to breathe. Putting up a face that shows people that i am happy. My face says that i am content. Whatever that has happened has happened for the good.
It's weird i miss home. No. I don't miss home, but i miss my room. My desktop, my bed and my window sill. The dusk and dawn light, the numerous cigarette butts scattered. I miss the silence. I miss the blanket that warms me up when i am chilly.
I don't know why all my reasons of being happy is slowly slipping away, and i am becoming extremely cynical about everything. I just want to flee. It will be really great if i can just delete the past three years of my life and start all over again. If it's possible then i wouldn't have to lose weight again.
It's my fourth attempt. Every fucking time i reach the perfect weight, i drop all energy of conserving it. Hog on food and blow up again. I am tired of this cycle. I am tired of harming my body. If i can just have an inspiration. A driving force.
But i guess i am not that lucky. I am not blessed with a fairy-tale life. I guess i am not blessed with even a normal life. I guess i don't deserve to stay sane.
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