No expectations, but yet expectations

I do not know what to call the emotions that are jumbled up in me right now. I am scared and brave, angry and mellow,and extremely vulnerable at this moment. Some would say i deserve this, but i would say that i don't.

I have been a fairly good person all these years of my life. Made everyone comfortable around. Gave up almost all my recreations in order to achieve the ultimatum love, but did not work. I am here alone and heartbroken.I am completely hopeless. I do not believe in promises anymore. I do not believe in the word "love". Love fades away. Even a saint of a person looks beyond these four letters and starts expecting in return. I expected, and here i am all torn apart. He said he never expected, but now he is starting to and all that backlash.

I have tried almost everything. Changed myself as a person to make him mine, in all ultimate reasons. I have stopped being immature. I have stopped doing everything that hurt him. Still, it does not work. He still questions my integrity, or so as i feel.

I am done. I am done making a victim of myself. No, i do not deserve this. I deserve to be a whole person. I deserve to be loved in all means because i have loved in all means. I have loved going beyond myself. I have loved against all my principles. Yes, i "expect" to be treated the way i should be.

Shoot me for that!