I have not been writing for a long time now. May be, because i don't know how to describe my feelings in words. I am experiencing feelings of regret or revulsion? I quite do not know. Or may be both.
Whatever that has happened has taught me a severe lesson in life. The most severe. I am not afraid to be alone anymore. I am not afraid to experience things all by myself. Nothing lasts forever. No feeling is deep enough to make any relationship pure. The pitfalls will arise eventually. If it does not happen to me, it will happen to him and vice versa.
I also discovered that i can be quite a bitch. I can go to any extent to make him like he is the culprit, the entire world's downfalls is to be blamed on him. I will do it to anyone who hurts me and that is quite scary.
My body-clock has also reversed. This break from school has made me go reverse. I sleep in the days, stay awake at night. I am miscible with the darkness around me. I will crawl into you, and torture you into the black-hole of insanity.
School is opening day after tomorrow. i am ready to become busy again. I am ready to be jumbled up. I want to get over with this semester and go back to the familiarity of Kolkata air. This time, i promise myself, that i will explore my city more, and not brood over the guy/guys in my life. Love is overrated, hatred is underrated. My hatred for people cumulating inside me has brought a calm about myself. I do not fear that you will leave me and go. Because you have already left me. I love u, but then again i don't. I want you, but then again i want to be away from you.
You have to creep back into my life again. If you want me, you have to prove it. If you want my love, acquire it. Whatever you do, i never said it would be easy.:)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment