"I do not know what to name this" Post

I know i have been ignoring my blog for a long time, and i am sorry for that. But i have not been feeling like writing for a long time. I have a lot to write about, but i cannot come to a point to put them down as words.

Feelings are jumbled. I am moving on at last. That is what i would like to think.AND thinking that makes me feel a bit better. He has moved on, CLEARLY, and may be he is moving on AGAIN. I am his past, so it does not make sense if i make him my present.

Focusing more on myself: I am kind of slagging. Extremely lazy. Even if i do feel like going to class, i just look at the clock, make my mind, turn around and go to sleep again. I have noticed, that i sleep a lot when i am depressed. I will sleep through a freaking fire alarm. I am mostly always tired, and irritated easily. I am no where near a 4.0 GPA, and i don't feel like pushing myself towards it. WHY? NO IDEA. Even if life is fine, there is something missing. I think i am missing my source of strength.Ultimate freedom does these stupid things to you. I miss my Maa, cursing at my laziness, and to shut her up, i made my ass get up and do something worthwhile. I miss her thrashing. You need someone to drive you to your Global Maximum.

I will be 20 in five days. I have achieved mostly what i wanted to by this age. But am lagging behind in two goals.
1. The all alone backpack Europe trip hasn't happened yet.
2. Losing weight. Which I DID accomplish, but i have gained half of it back. So it doesn't count. :( Blame my laziness, i swear i feel like an idiot sometimes.

But other goals have been achieved, and i am happy about it. I found love, too many i guess. I am in the U.S of A. Feels good, but it isn't that merry as it seems. Other goals have been over-achieved. Like instead of having one tattoo, i have four. :p

There are some goals, that even after being achieved seems not worth it.

But anyways that's life, and as my instructor says, "You just have to suck it up, sometimes"